


I'm Here

by holdontoyourhulahoops



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 13:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8625793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdontoyourhulahoops/pseuds/holdontoyourhulahoops
Summary: Even Victor falls apart sometimes.





	

“Yuuri?” comes Yuuko’s urgent voice, the moment Yuuri picks up the phone.

“Hmm...?” Yuuri asks, mind still slightly dazed with sleep.  He rubs at his eyes, fumbling around for his glasses.  “It’s pretty early.  Tell the triplets I’ll teach them that trick in a few hours…”

“Yuuri, it’s Victor,” Yuuko says.  “He’s… um...”

This catches Yuuri’s attention.

“Victor?” he mumbles, instinctively glancing toward the ruffled pile of sheets beside him which Victor had occupied only a few hours earlier. There’s nothing unusual about finding Victor absent when he wakes up in the morning, but now he finds himself growing uneasy.  “What about him?”

“He’s- um…. He’s here.” Yuuko says, in a wary voice.

Again, nothing inherently unusual.  They don’t always walk there together in the morning.  Sometimes Yuuri will need to be alone with his thoughts on the ice, or Victor will face a sudden burst of inspiration, and they’ll let the other sleep in.  But there’s something unnerving in Yuuko’s tone that puts Yuuri on edge.

“Is he okay?” Yuuri asks, already sliding from bed, his drowsiness forgotten.

Yuuko swallows, and that’s all the answer Yuuri needs.  He scrambles around for a t-shirt, spooking poor Makkachin in the process.

“He was already here when I opened the rink this morning,” Yuuko says finally, and she really does sound worried now.  “He’s… well… just… I think you should come here.”

“Is he hurt?” Yuuri asks, throat dry.

“No. No, he’s just- he’s fine,” Yuuko stutters, though she doesn’t sound certain of this at all.  “I just think-”

“I’m already on my way,” Yuuri tells her, and promptly hangs up the phone without waiting for anymore details.  Makkachin whines at Yuuri as he fumbles about, but he can only offer her a conciliatory pat on the head before he’s racing out of the room.

He forgoes breakfast in favor of running the whole way to the Ice Castle, his heartbeat pounding in his ears.  

Yuuko meets him in the entrance, her lips pursed in clear concern.  “Thanks for coming.  I didn’t mean to worry you or anything.”

“Where’s Victor?” Yuuri’s mouth feels dangerously dry.

Yuuko bites her lip, and glances over her shoulder. “On the ice.  He was already here when I unlocked the place this morning.  It seemed like he’d been here for a while, and when I called out to ask if he was okay he didn’t seem to really hear me.  He seems… um…”  She fidgets, shaking her head.  “I think maybe you should talk to him.”

Yuuri frowns at how cryptic her explanation is, but Yuuko just continues to fidget uncomfortably, so he turns to head down to the rink.

Victor is indeed on the ice, but he isn’t skating.  He’s just leaning against the boards, eyes squeezed shut as his shoulders tremble slightly, half folded in on himself.  Yuuri’s never seen him look so small before.

“Victor,” Yuuri calls, voice echoing off the walls of the rink.  Victor doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Yuuri sends Yuuko a concerned look, but she just shakes her head helplessly.

Steeling himself, Yuuri staggers forward, jumping the boards without bothering to put on skates.

“Victor,” he repeats, more gently.  “Hey… maybe you should take a break.”

Victor’s shoulder tense, his eyebrows scrunching up.

“Victor,” Yuuri tries again.  He staggers to a stop, hands hanging awkwardly at his side.

“Yuuri,” comes Victor’s voice, dry and ragged.  “I’m fine.”  He doesn’t even open his eyes, just seems to fold in on himself even more.

Never has Victor told a more obvious lie.  Yuuri’s opens his mouth, but he snaps it shut immediately.  Victor looks so helpless, and Yuuri feels completely out of his depth.

“Have you eaten anything?” he asks, for lack of anything better to say.

At this, Victor finally turns to look at him.  His eyes are glassy and hollow, but he forces an artificial smile.  

It makes Yuuri feel sick.

“It’s- Just give me a moment,” Victor says, in the same strained voice.

Yuuri’s expression softens. “Hey, I’m here,” he whispers, and reaches out to place a hand on Victor’s arm.

His hand barely brushes against his skin before Victor flinches away.

Yuuri jerks back like he’s been burnt.  In all the time they’ve spent together, Victor has never once shied away from physical contact.  

“S-sorry….” Yuuri stutters, shell-shocked.  

Victor’s eyes widen.

“Yuuri-  _I_ -”

“It’s fine, Victor, you don’t need to apologize, I shouldn’t have-”

“No.” Victor shakes his head rapidly, and it’s only then that Yuuri realizes there are tears in the corner of his eyes. “No, I’m-”  He chokes, pressing his hand to his face.  “I’m-”

“Victor…” Yuuri says again, helpless.

Victor heaves in a shaky breath, and suddenly goes limp, slumping forward.  Yuuri catches him, wrapping both arms around his waist to support his weight.  Victor gasps against him, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.  He presses his face into the side of Yuuri’s neck, mumbling something unintelligible.

All Yuuri can do is hold him and let him cry in silence.  He has no idea what’s going on, but if Victor needs him, he’s going to be here.  He rubs small circles on Victor’s hips with his thumb, if only to remind him that he’s not alone.

Eventually, he manages to coax Victor off the ice.  He half-carries him toward the locker room, and lowers him gently onto a bench.

Victor gazes numbly forward, his eyes glassy and red.  It’s too much, and Yuuri has to tear his eyes away as he bends down to take off his skates.  He unlaces them slowly, gentle as he pries them from Victor’s feet.  

Once he’s done, he pushes himself to his feet, swallowing loudly.  Victor is half curled against the wall, staring off into space.  

Yuuri fidgets, both worried and a little afraid.  He still doesn’t know what happened, but it doesn’t seem like Victor wants to talk about it right now.

“Okay, I’m going to go find Yuuko,” he says carefully.  “If you need me-”

Victor flinches, eyes going wide.  His hand darts to grab Yuuri’s wrist in a death grip.

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“Just- stay here.  Please.”

Yuuri blinks down at him, and then nods.  He slides onto the bench, placing a hand on Victor’s thigh.  

“Okay.  I’m not going anywhere.”

Letting out a soft sigh, Victor drops his head onto Yuuri’s shoulder and squeezes his eyes shut.

Yuuri rests his chin against the top of Victor’s head.  At some point, their fingers end up laced together.  Yuuri spends the time mindlessly rubbing Victor’s palm with his thumb, focusing on the sound of his staggered breathing.

It’s some time before Victor finally speaks again, half muffled with his face buried in Yuuri’s neck.

“‘M sorry.”

Yuuri shakes his head rapidly, squeezing Victor’s hand.  “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Victor.” Yuuri pulls back so he can see Victor’s face, pursing his lips.  “You don’t- I mean, you’re allowed to worry me.  You don’t have to pretend you’re okay if you’re not.”

Victor blinks at him, before the corner of his mouth curves up into a smile; small, barely there, but a smile all the same. Yuuri’s never felt more relieved to see anything in his life.

“What did I ever do to deserve you, Yuuri?” Victor mumbles, tears forming in the corner of his eyes again.

Yuuri bites his lip.  “You don’t have to do anything, Victor.  I want to be here.”

Victor sniffles, dropping his head back against Yuuri’s shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yuuri finally asks.  The curiosity and concern have been gnawing at his insides, but he doesn’t want to push Victor to say anything he’s not comfortable with.  “You don’t have to.  But, I mean-”

“My father called,” Victor says, cutting off Yuuri before he can finish.  “He- um… he saw a picture of us at the Cup of China.  Wasn’t happy about it.”

“Oh.”  

“I didn’t think he’d... I haven’t talked to my father in ages.  I didn’t think he paid attention to my career anymore.”  Victor’s jaw clenched.  “This is such a silly thing to get upset about.  I told myself ages ago that I didn’t care what he thinks of me.”

Yuuri presses closer, squeezing Victor’s thigh.  “It’s not silly.”

Victor huffs, glancing down.  “I was always able to get away with more than anyone really should have been able to. I built myself an eccentric persona, and if anyone really wanted to say anything about me, _well_ , I was always winning.  It was probably all dangerous and reckless, but I had friends protecting me, even if I didn’t know it at the time.  People still said things, of course, but I always told myself I was above it all.”

Yuuri wraps his free arm around Victor’s shoulder.

“And I don’t care- I _don’t_.  Let them talk.  I’m not ashamed of who I am.  But sometimes, even if I don’t care what my family thinks, or what the world says-”  Victor heaves in a shaking breath.  “Sometimes, I guess it’s just a lot.”

“Victor.” Yuuri turns his head, so their foreheads are touching.  He’s not entirely sure what to say- there’s nothing much he can say to make anything better.  Even in his relatively sheltered bubble, he knows what people have been saying.  He’s not so naive as to have not noticed the looks they’ve been getting, even in Hasetsu.  Nor has he been completely oblivious to all the scandalized articles online, the Twitter uproar that occurred after the Cup of China, the numerous calls for them both to resign from skating forever.  He’d managed to block it all out in his euphoria, but he’d be lying if he said it hadn’t shaken him a little bit.  And Victor has been dealing with this for far longer than he has.

Yuuri lifts his free hand to touch Victor’s face.  “You’re so brave, Victor.  Is there anything I can do?”

Victor makes a face, lifting an eyebrow.  “ _Brave_ , huh?”

Yuuri nods, offering a small smile.  “Yeah. I think so.”

Victor smiles back, seeming almost shy.

“You’ve already done more than you can know, Yuuri.  Just let me stay here. With you. For as long as you’ll have me.”

Yuuri’s all but sitting in Victor’s lap at this point, but he makes no move to find a more comfortable position.

“That’s so cheesy,” he mumbles, with a grin.  

Victor snorts, eyes shining.  “I’m so lucky to have you.  My beautiful sexy katsudon.”

Yuuri rolls his eyes, but he leans forward, kissing Victor’s nose.  “I love you.”

Victor’s breath catches in his throat, though that’s hardly the first time Yuuri has said that.

“Who’s the cheesy one now?”

Their conversation is interrupted by someone knocking softly on the door.  Yuuri exchanges a brief glance with Victor before calling that it was okay to come in.

Yuuko sweeps into the room, balancing a pile of blankets and two cups of cocoa in her arms.

“Hi! I hope I’m not interrupting anything.  Just wanted to check up.  I brought hot chocolate.”  She doesn’t blink twice at the fact that Yuuri is practically sitting in Victor’s lap; just shoves the cups in their faces so she can drape the blankets over them.

“Are you tired, Victor? You can take a nap in here if you need it.  There are more blankets upstairs if you’re cold.  If you’re hungry, I can get food.  The triplets are keeping people away from here so don’t worry.  Also, if you want...”

Victor seems a little shell-shocked by her impassioned rambling, but Yuuri merely looks on in amusement.  Even when she was younger, Yuuko had never been able to resist the urge to dote on people when she felt they were having a hard time.

“I’m alright, Yuuko.  This is more than enough,” Victor says, voice shaky.

Yuuko lifts an eyebrow, appraising him with clear concern.  

“Alright.  If you’re sure,” she finally says, looking unconvinced.

“Thank you,”  Yuuri tells her.  It’s not really what he wants to say, but for now, it will have to be enough.

Yuuko nods, her eyes soft.  She turns to leave the room, but hesitates in the exit.

“Actually, I-” She turns to face them again, bowing her head.  “Yuuri, we’ve already told you the Nishigori family will always have your back.  But that stands for both of you.  We’ll support you no matter what.  So, Victor, Yuuri, if either of you ever need us-” she cuts herself off, biting her lip “-we’ll … we’ll always be here.”

Yuuri’s eyes widen, and Victor seems to freeze, his mouth falling open.  Yuuko stares at them both for a moment, before she and Victor simultaneously burst into tears.

She manages to stumble forward to hug them both, nearly knocking the hot chocolate from Yuuri’s hands.

“I’m just really happy for you guys,” she says, squeezing them both. “I’m sorry for everything I just… I shouldn’t be crying,” she sniffles, wiping at her eyes.

Victor grins at her through tears, and Yuuri finds his eyes growing watery as well.  

“I appreciate it, Yuu-chan.  We’re lucky to have such good friends,” Victor tells her, voice surprisingly clear for his red and blotchy face.

Yuuko sniffles, but pushes herself back to her feet.  “Good. I just… wanted you to know,” she says quickly.  She bows a few more times before scrambling from the room, rubbing her eyes.

“We are pretty lucky, aren’t we Yuuri?”  Victor mumbles against Yuuri’s shoulder, as soon as she’s disappeared.

Yuuri smiles, locking his arms around Victor’s neck.  

“Yeah.  Maybe we are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Gah, thank you for reading. I know yoi takes place in a nice little alternate universe where homophobia isn't a thing, and I don't mind that, but I can't help reflecting too. They love each other so much it hurts me. Also, Yuuko is the best.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Feel free to message me at hopenobodyeverfinds.tumblr.com


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